I believe that today’s letter, written by ‘Angela’, states a pattern that many of us have been part of, or may be struggling with currently.
“I’ll never be good enough”
Personally, I fought with these feelings for the majority of my life. I thought that if I just lost more weight, everything would fall neatly into place. If I just ran a few extra miles, or did another hour of cardio, life would be perfect.
If I just abated my hunger with a measly cracker and some cheese, everything would be fine. And if I happened to ‘crack’, and let an entire meal pass my lips, the only solution was to purge.
Purge the food, purge the feelings, purge the hateful thoughts.
What I didn’t realize until after I started treatment was that these feelings of worthlessness associated with the way my body appeared to me were not rational.
I thought that if I was ‘fat’, nobody would love me. The reality was that I was never ‘fat’, and those who love me don’t really care if I’m fat or not anyway. It took me a long time to process this information, but when I did, that was my “light bulb moment”.
I began to learn how to combat my negative thoughts with positive affirmations, through cognitive behavioral therapy. When a negative thought about myself or my body image entered my head, I learned how to challenge it and demand proof.
“Who SAYS that my arms are flabby? And even if they ARE flabby, does that change the person that I am?”
It doesn’t.
I am still me. It’s been 5 years. My weight hasn’t changed, but my thoughts have. I just needed the tools to cope in a way that worked for me, without being physically abusive to myself.
If you’re struggling with thoughts of worthlessness, please ask for help.
So, tell me…
Never Enough | Letters to My Body on December 21, 2009
[...] Yours « Discussion: Body Perception Discussion: When Will You Be Good Enough? [...]
Nicole on January 15, 2010
I do experience feelings of worthlessness because of my obsession with my body. I do alot of writing in my journal, and in my blog too. It’s a tremendous help. When I start feeling down, I usually write about why I feel this way. I’ll sometimes make a really healthy Vegetarian meal, or take a walk!
There are times when my weight doesn’t cross my mind at all, and then their are times when it’s all I think about.
Meerkat on February 23, 2010
>Do you experience feelings of worthlessness as a result of the way that you view your body?
Yes!
>How do you cope with these feelings?
Uh… by dwelling on them and feeling depressed?
>Have you learned a way to fight back against these feelings?
Nope!